Nonverbal Communication

The one concept I felt need further discussion was nonverbal communication. Nonverbal communication accounts for the majority of what is heard and understood by a listener. Nonverbal communication has the ability to persuade, confuse and empower the people directly around you. When your verbal communication and nonverbal communication agree, the message you are communicating will be better understood and digested. Wordless messages or kinesics are the way we communicate by sending and receiving signals using body language, gestures, postures, proximity, haptics, and facial expressions. We can reinforce, contradict, substitute, complement or emphasize our verbal communication with non-verbal cues such as gestures, expressions and vocal inflection. Avoiding eye contact when we tell someone we love them communicates something far different than do spoken words, just as a bright smile when we say congratulations reinforces the sincerity of our words. Watching other people's body language, facial expressions and tendencies, and being conscious of your own physicality and feelings can enhance nonverbal communication.

Favorite and Least Favorite Part

My favorite part of the class would simply have to be because it is online. You can go about and do your work whenever you have time too. I like that there is no set class time it just allows for more flexibility with your time during the day. Having a full week to get your work done is a relief especially if you have piles and piles of work to do from other courses. Taking quizzes and tests online is less of a hassle as well because you can complete it whenever. I believe the blogs really helped with communication among classmates and helped us to express ourselves in our own way. My least favorite thing about this class would probably be the length requirements on the blogs. I feel like for some of the posts I could easily get my point across in way less than one hundred and fifty words. I have no other problem with this class at all.

What I Learned

I have learned a lot of new terms and concepts while taking this communication and human relationships course. Above that I have built skills I need to become a much better communicator. This course and the text along with it have given me a logical introduction to the concepts, principles, and skills of interpersonal communication in our society. I am better equipped to take on challenges and choices that may affect communication in relationships by taking this course. I have learned about topics such as awareness of emotions and forgiveness, interracial relationships, safe sex, homosexual relationships, race related conflicts, and characteristics of building a strong intimate relationship. If we need to work through issues in relationships, we can do it effectively if we lay a foundation of a supportive and trusting climate. Overall the main concept I have learned is that communication is the basis of meaning in human relationships and it is how we build, refine, keep, and transform connections with others.

The Family Life Cycle

The concept that most appealed to me from chapter 12 was the family life cycle. Families follow a general pattern of development when going throughout life. The family life cycle is broken up into seven different stages but not all of them apply to everyone. For instance it can be different if a couple has no children or is homosexual. The first stage is establishing a family, in this phase a couple settles into a relationship and works out interaction patterns, expectations, and routines for their life together. The second stage is enlarging a family which includes the addition of children whether it is through conception or adoption. The third stage is developing a family which involves parents raising their children. The fourth stage is encouraging independence and this means to let the children evolve on their own as they go through adolescence. The fifth stage is launching a child which is when children leave home to go to college or live on their own. The sixth stage is post launching of children which is after the departure of children from home when the parents have to redefine their marriage. And finally the seventh stage, retirement which is a time to do what they want with their life.

Marriage in Fifty Years

With the way our society goes about now it’s tough to say what marriage will be like over the next fifty years. Nowadays marriage is a joke with roughly fifty percent of them ending in divorce. I can definitely see that number escalate with today’s cultural values. These days people go through relationships like nothing, they are hardly serious. I’m not saying that everyone’s relationship will be like this but it will be the majority in the next five decades. I can see the divorce rate going up from about fifty percent to seventy five percent. Right now being unfaithful in a marriage is common which leads to divorce most of the time. With our generation there are a lot of individuals that do not believe in the constitution of marriage and refuse to get married at all. That can also be a possibility; people will just not get married at all. But who am I to predict the future of marriage. 

My Definition of Family

My personal definition of family is those who love us unconditionally and treat us with respect and consideration. I think there is the family you are born into without choice, and then there's the family you build for yourself when you figure out who you should be close to through life. My definition of family goes deeper than just blood relation. For example, I have three friends that I have grown up with basically my whole life and I consider them my brothers. I believe family members support each other emotionally, physically, and financially. Family is there for you through thick and thin no matter what. They are there for you just to hangout or if something really troubling is going on in your life. I believe all of the relationships listed in chapter twelve fit into my definition of family. It doesn’t matter if you’re homosexual, heterosexual, step siblings, or even just close friends.

Styles of Loving

The concept I found most interesting and chose to talk about after reading chapter eleven is the styles of loving. This was new to me because I had no idea what so ever that there were more than one way to love let alone six different ways. The six different styles of loving are Eros, storge, ludus, pragma, mania, and agape. The three primary styles of love are eros, storge, and ludus. Eros is a powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically. Storge is a comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility. Ludus is the final primary style of love and it is a playful love. The three secondary styles of love are pragma, mania, and agape. Pragma is a sensible or practical type of love. Mania is passionate, sometimes obsessive love that includes emotional extremes.  And finally agape, which is a selfless love that is based on giving to others, not on receiving rewards from them. 

Commitment or Love

To be completely honest i have not really experienced a relationship with just love or just commitment. My relationships have consisted of both of those things. In relationships where there is commitment but not love there is no intimacy and compassion for one another. But on the other hand the relationship is a loyal and committed one. Committed relationships can involve romantic and sexual feelings, with a person you find irreplaceable. Commitment is the intention to remain involved with a certain relationship. Love and commitment are completely different, love is a feeling based on the rewards of involvement with another person, while commitment is a decision to remain in a relationship. The impact of commitment involves the ability to get through barriers such as family disapproval, financial hardship, and sickness. The impact of love is intimacy, commitment, and passion so in essence commitment is a part of love. Love is a culmination of different feelings and actions. It has a huge impact on a person mentally and physically.

Online Vs. Face to Face Relationships

I do not believe it is ethical what so ever for people to represent themselves inaccurately in an online sort of community. It is deceiving to the individuals interested in that person portraying themselves as something they are not. I have heard of people photos shopping pictures of themselves on Facebook and other networking sites. I think it is pretty pathetic to do that to a picture just so you can receive more attention from other online users. I would definitely call this unethical because in fact you are pretty much giving a false identity of yourself. I understand in some communities it is accepted as sort of a “second life” role play. This is just my opinion on this topic. I believe online relationships can be more deceitful then face to face ones but not by much. There are a lot of ways to be deceiving in a face to face relationship, I just feel it is easier in an online one since you do not see the actually person in real life.

Guidelines for Communication Between Friends

During this week’s reading the one concept that popped out to me was the guidelines for communication between friends at the end of the chapter. The section just explains better ways to communicate amongst friends. The four subtitles are engage in dual perspective, communicate honestly, grow from differences, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Engaging in dual perspective is the act of distinguishing between our judgments and perceptions and what friends say and do. Secondly, communicating honestly is a key factor in a friendship. Honesty is one of the most important gifts friends can give each other. It involves being honest in every situation because lying will just make bigger holes for you in the long run. Grow from differences is the next guideline and it means to be open to diversify with other people. Being friends with someone different then us can be rewarding in the long run. Lastly, don’t sweat the small stuff is the final principle which tells us to let go of small irritations because they will slowly destroy closeness in relationships. 

My Bestfriend

When I think of someone very close to me the first person that pops in my head is my girlfriend, who is also my best friend. As I think of the past I realize that there have been many investments made into this relationship between me and her. We have invested our time, effort, thought, and emotions into this relationship. Trust, acceptance, and closeness are key components in a healthy friendship. Trust is built gradually over time and it can be lost even faster. I’ve built trust in my relationship by telling the truth and communicating every little detail to my partner. Acceptance just comes naturally with a close friend. You shouldn’t have to hide anything from your friend. Lastly, closeness can be achieved through dialogue or by doing activities with one another. Intimacy is a big thing in closeness and it really makes the relationship. I would definitely say that my relationship is consistent with the dynamics described in this chapter. 

Friendship.com

After viewing this website I found that there are a number of challenges to friendship discussed in this chapter in the advice forum. There are a lot of friendships that are subject to internal tensions and external pressures. In one of the forums I saw someone post that they have had this friend since they were little and all the sudden they get a boyfriend. Now the friends aren’t spending as much time together because one is more focused on the boyfriend. This is an example of an external pressure called competing demands. Sometimes we neglect established friends because of new relationships coming into our life. This specific example from the forum did directly reflect one of the challenges as stated in the book. There were also plenty of other issues raised that reflected challenges in relationships like geographic distance, diverse communication styles, and personal changes. So overall I would say that the website was pretty much spot on. 

Features of Satisfying Relationships

The concept from the text I decided to discuss was the features of satisfying relationships. There are four components to this concept and they are investment, commitment, trust, and comfort with relational dialectics. With all four of these components in tact in is almost guaranteed your relationship with thrive. Investments are what we put into relationships that we could not retrieve if the relationship were to end. Investing can count as materially, time, money, thought, and feelings. Commitment is a decision to remain in a relationship through thick and thin. It is defined as a decision not a feeling. If a couple is committed then they are less likely to look for a reason to end the relationship. Trust involves believing in another’s reliability and emotionally relying on another to look out for the wellbeing of the relationship. It does not come automatically; it is given over time in the relationship. Comfort with relational dialectics defined as understanding opposing forces that are continuous and normal in relationships. Just like the little fights couples may have day to day. This section really helped me with my own personal relationship so I would definitely recommend it.

Discomfirmation

I can think of numerous times where I felt disconfirmed and defensive at the same time. One specific instance in my mind at the moment was when my father was putting me down about my grades back in high school. Saying that i would never amount to anything or be anyone without the grades. Of course I was disconfirmed because my dad was essentially telling me I’m an idiot. Now I see he was only doing it to pushing me to strive to be everything I can be. What he said still disconfirmed me but I noticed some of Gibbs defensiveness producing communication behaviors was throughout our whole conversation. Evaluation was a big one throughout because of how my father was judging me based on my grades at the time. Controlling communication was also present in the quarrel since I felt as if my dad was trying to control every move in my life.  Evaluation and controlling communication were the most prevalent and they could have been changed by description and problem orientation. 

Confirming Others

In my past experiences with others I have definitely found it difficult to confirm others especially when I disagree with them. It is literally one of the hardest things to do as a person. I’m very open minded but some individuals make it particularly hard for me to be confirming. After going through this chapter and reading it I for sure got a better view on recognition, acknowledgement and endorsement. Recognition is the most basic form of confirmation in which we recognize that another person exists by either verbal or nonverbal communication. Acknowledgement of what another feels, thinks, or says is the second level of confirmation. The strongest level of confirmation is endorsement. Endorsement involves accepting another’s thoughts or feelings. It is very simple distinguishing between these three levels of confirmation.  Confirming others as people is very broad and endorsing a particular idea is much focused. You can confirm anyone but when endorsing a particular idea it becomes very detailed and you must listen throughout.

Deep and Surface Acting

From this chapter I found two things I find interesting. Deep acting and surface acting are part of feeling rules which tell us what we have a right to feel or what we are expected to feel in particular situations. Feeling rules can reflect anything such as values of cultures and social groups. Deep acting has to do with controlling or managing ones inner feelings. This involves learning what one should and should not feel. For example, as a child I was taught that I should feel grateful when given a gift even if I did not like the gift. Deep acting requires changing how we perceive and label events and occurrences.  Surface acting is the monitoring of outward expression of inner feelings. It has to do with controlling emotions rather than feelings. For instance, as a child we learn to say thank you when receiving a gift. Expressing gratitude is emphasized more than feelings grateful in this case. 

Fear of Catastrophic Failure

In this chapter there were six different types of fallacies discussed in the text. The fallacies included perfectionism, obsession with should, overgeneralization, taking responsibility for others, helplessness, and fear of catastrophic failure. The one I would have to say I am most guilty of in intrapersonal communication is fear of catastrophic failure. Fear of catastrophic failure involves extreme negative fantasies and scenarios of what could happen. Typically it can affect my ability to do things because of what might happen when I think about it. I’m not saying this happens all the time but it does happen occasionally. After reading about the topic i found there are numerous ways to monitor and revise my intrapersonal communication. Self-talk can be used to question and challenge the irrational thinking that undermines us. Self-talk can be defined as intrapersonal communication that affects our feelings and behaviors. The rational-emotive approach to feelings can also help with the fear of catastrophic failure I deal with. Using rational thinking and self-talk are involved with this approach to change debilitating emotions.

Perspectives on Emotion

After reading the chapter I had to think awhile longer to decide which perspective on emotions made the most sense to me. The four views of emotions are organismic, perceptual, cognitive labeling, and interactive. After reviewing i decided that the organismic and interactive views on emotion were most sensible to me. While the perceptual and cognitive views came to be a little confusing to me. The definitions of organismic and interactive were more straight forward to me and to the point. The organismic view of emotions can be defined as the theory that an external phenomenon causes physiological changes that lead us to experience emotions. The interactive view of emotions states that the social rules and understandings shape what people feel and how they express and withhold feelings. I guess these make the most sense to me because that is how I view emotion.  These two views give me more insight to emotion than the others because the chronological order with perceptual and cognitive labeling is just confusing to me. I don’t know it just throws me off.

The Listening Process

The thing I found most interesting in this chapter was the listening process. It is a sequence process to help one be more listen oriented. It’s a complex process that involves far more than just hearing. Listening can be defined as an active, complex process that consists of being mindful, receiving physical messages, selecting and organizing material, interpreting communication, responding, and remembering. Mindfulness is the act of being fully present in the moment. Receiving physical messages is the second step and it means to be aware of the way someone is talking just in case there are problems hearing. Selecting and organizing material consists of attending to material that is important or that includes our own personal interests. Interpreting communication is the fourth step in the process and it involves being able to interpret what others are saying while they communicate. Responding is communicating attention and interest. So that the person communicating sees we are involved. The final step in the process is remembering which is the act of retaining what you have heard. Not just going in one ear and out the other.

Listening is a Ten Part Skill

I learned a lot from “listening is a ten part skill”. The ten parts to this skill of listening are find an area of interest, judge content not delivery, hold your fire, listen for ideas, be flexible, work at listening, resist distractions, exercise your mind, keep your mind open and finally capitalize on thought speed.  Most people spend a good share of their lives listening. Success or failure throughout life often depends on how well or how poorly a person listens. Almost any job involves a certain amount of listening. Whether it is instructions on how to do your job or listening to coworkers speak. Learning through listening is mainly an inside job, or an inside action on the part of the listener. What the listener needs to do is replace some common present attitudes with others. I found all of the explanations of these parts very useful when I’m having trouble listening to something specific. Hopefully now I know how to handle situations where listening is a very important factor.

Nonlistening

The six different types of nonlistening are pseudo listening, monopolizing, selective listening, defensive listening, ambushing, and literal listening. Pseudo listening is the act of pretending to listen. Monopolizing is continuously centering communication on us instead of listening to the person who is talking. Selective listening entails focusing only on certain parts of communication. Defensive listening is the act of perceiving personal attacks, criticism, or hostility in communication that is not critical or harsh whatsoever. Ambushing is listening carefully for the sole purpose of attacking a speaker. And finally literal listening, which involves paying attention only for content and ignoring the connection level of meaning. I have to admit I have partaken in multiple of these forms. Some have happen without even knowing. The most common in my communication are pseudo listening, selective listening, and literal listening. My plan to overcome these types of nonlistening is to actually pay attention when someone is talking and keep my focus throughout the whole lecture.  Not just take keep concepts from what is being said.

Communication, Regulative, and Constitutive Rules

I decided to talk about communication, regulative, and constitutive rules when using language because this topic was interesting to me. I wanted to find out more about the subject by doing more research. First off communication rules are shared understandings of what communication means and what behaviors are appropriate in various situations. For example, we understand that people take turns speaking, that we should whisper in libraries, and that we shouldn’t go around cursing in public. Regulative rules regulate interaction by specifying when, how, where, and with whom to talk about certain things. For instance, we understand that wearing just basketball shorts and a t shirt to class is acceptable but when in the workplace different clothes are more appropriate. The next is constitutive rules which define what communication means by specifying how certain communicative acts are to be counted.  For example giving a hug shows affection, smiling can show friendliness, paying attention counts as respect, and etc.

Hate Speech

A hate speech can be defined in this country as a principally racist and anti-Semitic speech. The actual definition is a speech intended to degrade, intimidate, or provoke violence or prejudicial action against someone based on their race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, or disability. It is also recognized by the first amendment which has to do with freedom of speech unless it has some sort of violent or obscene words in it. Usually hate groups or individuals against a certain genre engage in these acts of hate. Hate speech on the web is a huge epidemic these days. I believe the outlawing of hate speech is the correct thing to do for this country. It just causes problems and nothing good comes from it. I consider hate speeches a heinous act that should be punished by law and should be censored off the internet. In a way our rights would be violated by eliminating hate speech but I think this country a better place. A more practical way of reducing hate speech is unprotecting it under the first amendment. 

American Society Metaphors

First of all both of the metaphors can describe this countries diversity very well. So it’s kind of hard just to choose one of them but if I had to choose then i would go with the melting pot reference. I just feel referring to the United States as both a rainbow and a family quilt is misleading in a way. For the reason that it sounds like reverend Jackson is saying everyone is close and together in America and that is not the case at all. We are all different in some way whether it is culture, looks, or preference. Now melting pot works for me as a metaphor for our American society. It is simple and to the point. It's a concept of many cultures being blended into one, single identity. As Americans we have a duty to our country no matter what race or background you come from to stand together. Whenever the country is in need we all seem to go into a melting pot to become one.

Then and Now

For this post I talked to my parents and grandparents to get their input on the topic. They both basically had the same thing to say. Not much was different in their responses. Back then the young adults were expected to at least graduate from high school and to get good jobs that lasted for twenty years and then to retire. Girls were expected to marry in their 20's and to make being mothers and home makers their primary focus, while careers were allowable if they did not interfere with the womanly duties. Boys were expected to work and to provide for their families. Having a stable lifestyle was a big thing they emphasized. They said it was inappropriate and irresponsible to not have a job back then at that age.  Now, 20 year olds like me are expected to have some college, to delay marriage and childbirth, and to have solid skills that can move with them as jobs come and go. 

Johari Window

For chapter two i decided to talk about the Johari window. This subject was very appealing to me for some reason. The window was created be Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham as a model of different sorts of knowledge that affect self-development. Johari is a combination of both of their first names. A four paned "window," divides personal awareness into four different types, as represented by its four quadrants: open, hidden, blind, and unknown. The open quadrant represents things that both I know about myself, and that you know about me. Examples of this are your name, height, and major. The blind quadrant represents things that you know about me, but that I am unaware of. For example others may see that we are insecure even though we think we’ve hidden it well. The hidden quadrant represents things that I know about myself, which you do not know. An example of this is not telling people about your vulnerabilities because it’s considered private. The unknown quadrant represents things that neither I know about myself, nor you know about me. Examples include untried talents and unused resources. Those are all of the four windows and their descriptions. The end.

Race

Race is a classification system used to categorize humans into large and distinct populations or groups by heritable characteristics, geographic ancestry, physical appearance, and ethnicity. It is considered a primary aspect of personal identity. In my eyes race is an appropriate way to classify people just not in a negative way. Race is useful for telling people apart from their cultures to their specific region in the world. I believe it can be used as a learning tool for individuals. Those who stereotype certain races are incorrigible in the way that they think. Everyone is different and their own individual just because they may be the same race as someone doing a certain thing doesn’t mean that they will follow. I do believe that the Census Bureau should allow people to check multiple races to define themselves because not everyone is just one race. Americans especially are made up of multiple races not just a single one. Citizens have the right to express themselves through their race.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

I decided to discuss Maslow’s hierarchy of needs for this portion on the reading because it was really interesting to me. It is a Hierarchy of five human motivational needs arranged by ascending order of importance, developed by Abraham Maslow. The five ascending needs are (1) physiological, (2) safety, (3) belonging, (4) self-esteem, and (5) self-actualization. Only unsatisfied needs are motivators. Once a need is satisfied, the next level emerges as a motivator. Then you continue so on and so forth. Physiological needs include the most basic needs that are vital to survival, such as the need for water, air, food and sleep. Safety needs include needs for safety and security. Belonging needs include friendship, love, and affection. Self-esteem needs include the need for things that reflect on self-esteem, personal worth, social recognition and accomplishment. Finally self-actualization needs, the highest on the hierarchy, people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others and are more interested fulfilling their potential. Below is the hierarchy:

Personal Relationship

I would have to say the relationship with my girlfriend is a relationship that has become closer over time. In the earliest stage of our relationship we were still trying to figure each other out even though we had known each other for quite a while before. There were certain things we did not know about each other. A lot of flirting was going on between us. At the beginning I guess our relationship would be closer to a I-You relationship even though I believe we communicated more than that.  During that stage we talked about school, friends, and other random stuff; Nothing really too personal at the time. We avoided talks about family, past relationships, and gossip about things. Those subjects were for our best friends at the time. In our relationships current state we talk about each and everything there is to talk about. I mean after three years together there really are no secrets between each other. There is not one thing we don’t talk about. We have become one another’s best friend after everything we have experienced together throughout our relationship. I can definitely identify differences in experiences but that is not likely since we have experienced basically everything together.

Linear and Interactive Models of Communication

Linear communication was the first model of interpersonal communication. Linear, meaning one way, is the process in which a person acts upon another person. It is a verbal model that consisted of five questions describing a sequence of acts that make up communication. The sequence goes as follows: who? Says what? In what channel? to whom? and with what effect? An example of linear communication would be to attend a lecture from a university professor because there is no interaction what so ever.  This model of communication flows in only one direction from a sender to a passive receiver. Interactive models portray communication as a process in which listeners give feedback in response to a certain message. In this model one person is the sender and one is the receiver there is no actual conversation it’s just a response to a message. An example of this model would be a professor asking a question to a student in class and the student responding. The major difference between the two is that in linear communication only one person is participating and in interactive two parties are speaking.

Introductory Post

Greetings my name is "Petey" and I have enrolled in your communication and human relationship class to fulfill some elective class requirements and to also learn a little something. I am from southern California and I used to live in a small town called Redlands. My current age happens to be nineteen and my birth month is March. I am the eldest out of two sisters and one brother. I have a beautiful girlfriend whom I live with here in San Jose. We have been with each other for almost three years now. I attended Redlands East Valley High School for all of my four years and played varsity football for three. Now I attend San Jose State University on a athletic scholarship and I lived on the dorms on campus for my whole freshman year. Currently I am a sophomore at this institute; last semester I believe I experienced my best college semester. The college life is cool and all but with football it can be frustrating. I ended up having a decent GPA with it being over a 3.0, but still it was difficult to pull off. This semester I hope to exceed some expectations of me and get a 4.0. I definitely am going to work my tail off to succeed. I am excited to take this class this semester and I hope I get a lot out of it!