Features of Satisfying Relationships

The concept from the text I decided to discuss was the features of satisfying relationships. There are four components to this concept and they are investment, commitment, trust, and comfort with relational dialectics. With all four of these components in tact in is almost guaranteed your relationship with thrive. Investments are what we put into relationships that we could not retrieve if the relationship were to end. Investing can count as materially, time, money, thought, and feelings. Commitment is a decision to remain in a relationship through thick and thin. It is defined as a decision not a feeling. If a couple is committed then they are less likely to look for a reason to end the relationship. Trust involves believing in another’s reliability and emotionally relying on another to look out for the wellbeing of the relationship. It does not come automatically; it is given over time in the relationship. Comfort with relational dialectics defined as understanding opposing forces that are continuous and normal in relationships. Just like the little fights couples may have day to day. This section really helped me with my own personal relationship so I would definitely recommend it.

Discomfirmation

I can think of numerous times where I felt disconfirmed and defensive at the same time. One specific instance in my mind at the moment was when my father was putting me down about my grades back in high school. Saying that i would never amount to anything or be anyone without the grades. Of course I was disconfirmed because my dad was essentially telling me I’m an idiot. Now I see he was only doing it to pushing me to strive to be everything I can be. What he said still disconfirmed me but I noticed some of Gibbs defensiveness producing communication behaviors was throughout our whole conversation. Evaluation was a big one throughout because of how my father was judging me based on my grades at the time. Controlling communication was also present in the quarrel since I felt as if my dad was trying to control every move in my life.  Evaluation and controlling communication were the most prevalent and they could have been changed by description and problem orientation. 

Confirming Others

In my past experiences with others I have definitely found it difficult to confirm others especially when I disagree with them. It is literally one of the hardest things to do as a person. I’m very open minded but some individuals make it particularly hard for me to be confirming. After going through this chapter and reading it I for sure got a better view on recognition, acknowledgement and endorsement. Recognition is the most basic form of confirmation in which we recognize that another person exists by either verbal or nonverbal communication. Acknowledgement of what another feels, thinks, or says is the second level of confirmation. The strongest level of confirmation is endorsement. Endorsement involves accepting another’s thoughts or feelings. It is very simple distinguishing between these three levels of confirmation.  Confirming others as people is very broad and endorsing a particular idea is much focused. You can confirm anyone but when endorsing a particular idea it becomes very detailed and you must listen throughout.