The Family Life Cycle

The concept that most appealed to me from chapter 12 was the family life cycle. Families follow a general pattern of development when going throughout life. The family life cycle is broken up into seven different stages but not all of them apply to everyone. For instance it can be different if a couple has no children or is homosexual. The first stage is establishing a family, in this phase a couple settles into a relationship and works out interaction patterns, expectations, and routines for their life together. The second stage is enlarging a family which includes the addition of children whether it is through conception or adoption. The third stage is developing a family which involves parents raising their children. The fourth stage is encouraging independence and this means to let the children evolve on their own as they go through adolescence. The fifth stage is launching a child which is when children leave home to go to college or live on their own. The sixth stage is post launching of children which is after the departure of children from home when the parents have to redefine their marriage. And finally the seventh stage, retirement which is a time to do what they want with their life.

Marriage in Fifty Years

With the way our society goes about now it’s tough to say what marriage will be like over the next fifty years. Nowadays marriage is a joke with roughly fifty percent of them ending in divorce. I can definitely see that number escalate with today’s cultural values. These days people go through relationships like nothing, they are hardly serious. I’m not saying that everyone’s relationship will be like this but it will be the majority in the next five decades. I can see the divorce rate going up from about fifty percent to seventy five percent. Right now being unfaithful in a marriage is common which leads to divorce most of the time. With our generation there are a lot of individuals that do not believe in the constitution of marriage and refuse to get married at all. That can also be a possibility; people will just not get married at all. But who am I to predict the future of marriage. 

My Definition of Family

My personal definition of family is those who love us unconditionally and treat us with respect and consideration. I think there is the family you are born into without choice, and then there's the family you build for yourself when you figure out who you should be close to through life. My definition of family goes deeper than just blood relation. For example, I have three friends that I have grown up with basically my whole life and I consider them my brothers. I believe family members support each other emotionally, physically, and financially. Family is there for you through thick and thin no matter what. They are there for you just to hangout or if something really troubling is going on in your life. I believe all of the relationships listed in chapter twelve fit into my definition of family. It doesn’t matter if you’re homosexual, heterosexual, step siblings, or even just close friends.

Styles of Loving

The concept I found most interesting and chose to talk about after reading chapter eleven is the styles of loving. This was new to me because I had no idea what so ever that there were more than one way to love let alone six different ways. The six different styles of loving are Eros, storge, ludus, pragma, mania, and agape. The three primary styles of love are eros, storge, and ludus. Eros is a powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically. Storge is a comfortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility. Ludus is the final primary style of love and it is a playful love. The three secondary styles of love are pragma, mania, and agape. Pragma is a sensible or practical type of love. Mania is passionate, sometimes obsessive love that includes emotional extremes.  And finally agape, which is a selfless love that is based on giving to others, not on receiving rewards from them. 

Commitment or Love

To be completely honest i have not really experienced a relationship with just love or just commitment. My relationships have consisted of both of those things. In relationships where there is commitment but not love there is no intimacy and compassion for one another. But on the other hand the relationship is a loyal and committed one. Committed relationships can involve romantic and sexual feelings, with a person you find irreplaceable. Commitment is the intention to remain involved with a certain relationship. Love and commitment are completely different, love is a feeling based on the rewards of involvement with another person, while commitment is a decision to remain in a relationship. The impact of commitment involves the ability to get through barriers such as family disapproval, financial hardship, and sickness. The impact of love is intimacy, commitment, and passion so in essence commitment is a part of love. Love is a culmination of different feelings and actions. It has a huge impact on a person mentally and physically.

Online Vs. Face to Face Relationships

I do not believe it is ethical what so ever for people to represent themselves inaccurately in an online sort of community. It is deceiving to the individuals interested in that person portraying themselves as something they are not. I have heard of people photos shopping pictures of themselves on Facebook and other networking sites. I think it is pretty pathetic to do that to a picture just so you can receive more attention from other online users. I would definitely call this unethical because in fact you are pretty much giving a false identity of yourself. I understand in some communities it is accepted as sort of a “second life” role play. This is just my opinion on this topic. I believe online relationships can be more deceitful then face to face ones but not by much. There are a lot of ways to be deceiving in a face to face relationship, I just feel it is easier in an online one since you do not see the actually person in real life.

Guidelines for Communication Between Friends

During this week’s reading the one concept that popped out to me was the guidelines for communication between friends at the end of the chapter. The section just explains better ways to communicate amongst friends. The four subtitles are engage in dual perspective, communicate honestly, grow from differences, and don’t sweat the small stuff. Engaging in dual perspective is the act of distinguishing between our judgments and perceptions and what friends say and do. Secondly, communicating honestly is a key factor in a friendship. Honesty is one of the most important gifts friends can give each other. It involves being honest in every situation because lying will just make bigger holes for you in the long run. Grow from differences is the next guideline and it means to be open to diversify with other people. Being friends with someone different then us can be rewarding in the long run. Lastly, don’t sweat the small stuff is the final principle which tells us to let go of small irritations because they will slowly destroy closeness in relationships.